10 ways to be a good observer at a rope jam

Some etiquette guides for when you are observing people tying, or watching a scene at a rope jam

When first entering a rope space, you may find yourself observing other people's tying. This can take the form of playing or labbing, both of which are called "rope scenes". A scene is considered dedicated time for people to enjoy tying together in a negotiated way, and that often does not include the people observing. If you are watching people tying together, there are polite ways to do it. Here is my list of 10 ways to be a polite observer in the studio.

1. Look, don't touch!

Watching a scene and being interested in it does not give you the right to touch either of the people who are tying, or to pick up their equipment. On one hand, disturbing people while they are busy tying is annoying, and can take away from special moments of connection in rope. On a more serious note, distracting people while they are tying can mean that they are not able to focus on critical safety steps in the tie.

While it is often interesting to admire people tying, it's important to understand that questions and greetings can wait until the tie is finished.

Another note on unwanted involvement is that it is generally not allowed to take photos unless it's been specifically agreed to by everyone in the photo. If you don't have a prior arrangement with those tying, do not take pictures of them.

2. Sit rather than stand

Sitting is less obtrusive than standing. You should be able to watch a scene without them noticing you.

3. If you must stand, stand back.

The further away you can get the better. You should not be within arm's reach of the people tying unless you have specifcally been asked to act as their spotter. They shouldn't feel your shadow intruding on them.

4. Don't make loud comments, especially negative ones.

"I don't like that position", "I don't lock off my mainlines like that", "I don't use that harness", "look at how blue her leg is".

It can be disturbing and doesn't feel like an inviting place to do rope if people are always critiqing what you do. Most likely, the people in the scene don't care about your opinions on their scene and if they wanted your advice they can ask you once the scene is done.

It can feel nice to have people saying positive things about your scene, commenting on how they like your dynamic, they find the position beautiful. These positive comments are often less of a problem, but can still be obtrusive if they are too loud and too many.

Be aware that not everyone is interested in "in-the-moment" feedback from people who are not in the scene, even if they are happy with having people observe them.

5. Don't interrupt to add your own suggestions.

You might think it would look prettier if the bottom arches their back more or points their toes. Keep it to yourself if nobody asked for your input. A rope jam is not a ballet class, allow people to express themselves how they feel comfortable.

6. Don't keep asking the rigger if they need help.

You might think you are more experienced or more knowledgeable but don't give your help unless you are asked to. Unsolicited advice can come across as very obnoxious, even if it's well intentioned.

If you think you are watching something unsafe in our studio, you can talk to any of our house cats who will be happy to intervene if necessary.

7. Scenes of one person should be treated with the same respect as scenes of two or three people.

People who self-tie also deserve your respectful distance. Don't assume that unpartnered rope is less emotional or less focused than unpartnered rope.

8. Don't try to engage the people tying in conversation.

It can wait! This includes the time that people take to tie harnesses before a suspension scene.

Avoid asking people to teach you something when they are busy in a play scene. Rope is not always a free for all learning adventure. We have plenty of classes and structured education for this.

9. Don't rush someone's aftercare because you want the space or because you want their attention.

Some people have a long comedown and don't want to be spoken to straight away. Give them space to get themselves together before bounding up and hugging or trying to shift them from the hardpoint. If a bottom has just finished an intense suspension scene, have the courtesy not to ask the rigger for help or attention immediately - the rigger has also just had an intense suspension scene.

10. Don't be inconsiderate

Have respect for the people you have the pleasure of watching. Read the room and use your common sense and try to be polite.

These examples are purely hypothetical based on 11+ years of observing and participating in rope spaces and are my personal opinion as the studio owner. If you have other advice I would love to discuss it - you can find me at all our Events.

Happy watching! Rosa